Just what is a bottle of wine?

Well we all know the answer to that. It’s a pre-formed glass container filled with the juice of grapes, plus a bit of magic, that is then left to the fermentation process and there you have it, one bottle of alcoholic nectar … but is that all?

The technical sciencey stuff is a bit more complicated, and as to the size, shape, vintage etc. etc. well blah, blah, blah. More importantly it is said that wine drinkers fit into just five categories: Ignorant (let’s just get drunk), Beginner (I like wine), Snob (I only drink fine wines), Enthusiast (constantly seeks out new wines) and Expert (let’s just get drunk) … I think I can say I safely fit into the first, which by default also makes me an expert. Now, apparently, a standard bottle of wine is equivalent to approximately six glasses, but then that really depends on the size of the glass.

Red wine is reported as good for your health. Apparently, all those antioxidants and tannin can lower incidences of type-2 diabetes … that’s me sorted then, mental note: drink more red wine, although the spoil-sports of this world suggest doing it in moderation, so then maybe a full bottle per night might not be deemed as acceptable.

Sexologists, would have us believe that wine improves your sex life. Well it has always been a well-known fact that by drinking enough of it in one go does better for the girls in that department, but it is often less upstanding a fact as far as lads are concerned. Other experts (there seems to be a lot of them about) indicate that whilst wine does not affect your waistline in the same way as beer, getting drunk does incites the munchies, so there goes that theory.

So that’s the practical junk, but wine is far more than all that.

A bottle of wine as a gift shows thought has been put into the present. It’s often carefully selected to match the tastes of the receiver, or chosen in reverence to the occasion. When undertaken in times of stress it can be a lifeline, an experience to share, an inhibiter to a release, or a switch for an out-pouring of emotions. Let’s face it, we all know that every celebration goes better with a bit of fizz, but after all champagne is only wine with a pedigree that really isn’t as posh as it thinks it should be most of the time.

Now I know this might be hard for a lot of us to believe, but there are people out there that have a fear of wine. They are called ‘Oenophobic’ or as I like to refer to then … ‘weird’ and as to wine ‘collectors’ the question of why springs to my mind, like money you can’t take it with you when you’re gone, so enjoy it while you can.

To conclude my adventures into the winelands of the universe, here’s a bit of personal advice … all wine spoils once it comes into contact with air, so best drink-up … cheers!

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