James Metcalfe
Arguments are, for better or for worse, a natural and understandable part of human interactions and you are going to have a tough time if you ever hope to avoid having one with everyone you encounter. That being said, these are the finest expert-chosen tips and strategies designed to help you seperate yourself from the ‘in the moment’ emotions and move on with a positive outlook from the experience.
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#1 ‘Do Overs’
After an argument, the best thing to ensure that both parties will come out feeling good is to have a do-over. When I was a kid, I would watch all the skateboarders trying these crazy tricks and when they would wipe out or fall they would immediately get up and yell out "Do Over!". These kids recognized that they needed to practice their skateboarding skills in order to land their epic trick! - Your relationship skills need that level of practice too.
Creating an Aprés Argument Do Over lets the couple fix their mistakes, practice behavior in real time and leaves a connected and positive experience between the couple.
Contributor: Andi Forness, Online Dating Coach
#2 ‘The 5 for 1’ Technique #1
Most of the time when we argue, we are critiquing something our partner or friend has done or has not done essentially. Let's call this a one, and for every one negative comment, there should be at least five positive comments according to Dr. Gottman of the Gottman Institute.
Now, this requires sheer strength at first to provide positive comments during a fight. It's going to feel awkward and eerie at first, but it will get easier over some time.
Contributor: Jacob Kountz from kernwellnesscounseling.com
#3 ‘The 5 for 1’ Technique #2
So the next time you two fight over dirty dishes, maybe comment on how hard he works when he cleans the fridge, or how awesome she sweeps the floor, or how dedicated she is at her job, or maybe how wonderful it is to have a husband who changes the lightbulbs so his wife doesn't. Whatever positive you can find inside your significant other will do, but be intentional. This tactic may help you and your other half overcome a rough argument or fight with a more positive and happy outlook.
Contributor: Jacob Kountz from kernwellnesscounseling.com
#4 ‘Temporary Armistice’
#5 Seek To Listen and Understand
The best tool I know in that situation is to paraphrase what someone is saying, either to yourself or in reply to them. As Stephen Covey says, Seek to understand, then to be understood. Once someone believes that they are being heard and understood, they are far more likely to listen to you.
Contributor: Adam Cole from acole.net
#6 Break Off, Cool Down
There are times when it's clearly not feasible to have a crucial conversation. Tempers are running too high, buttons are being pushed, someone has said something inappropriate that, if answered in kind, will escalate the crisis. Best then to break off and calm down until you are both sure that you can resume the dialogue.
Contributor: Adam Cole from acole.net
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