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Are you tired of being just a wallflower?
It sucks when you’re left out of all the fun. And, being shy can hold you back from forming meaningful relationships with women.
Instead of being able to approach, converse, and befriend people, you purposefully avoid being around females perhaps out of insecurity. Or maybe there are things you are unaware of that are holding you back.
But, you don’t have to endure this forever.
The good news is that you can overcome shyness, as long as you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and put the necessary efforts in.
Here are 7 secrets to breaking through your social barriers and help you be more confident around women.
1. Be vulnerable
Do not be afraid to make yourself vulnerable. Vulnerability is not a weakness.
It is a strength because you are willing to fail to overcome an obstacle.
You won’t confidently socialize with females overnight. It’s a process. And to move up in that process, you have to make yourself open to failure and rejection.
It’s mostly that fear of rejection holding you back.
This social handicap of yours is an obstacle that only you can solve and be able to control the outcome.
For a positive outcome, make yourself vulnerable.
Maybe not openly and explicitly, but you should put yourself in tough situations where failure is almost inevitable.
Walk up to that girl, introduce yourself, strike a conversation.
You can only work out what needs to be adjusted and changed then.
Not making yourself vulnerable to judgment by yourself and, potentially, the women you interact with makes shyness a weakness.
It will be so because you will never be able to grow out of it. You’ll be left stuck in one spectrum of your interpersonal life.
2. Look dapper
Putting on a well-ironed shirt, trimming your beard, getting a nice haircut — all these make you feel good about yourself, don’t they?
So, when you know you’re going to be meeting with women, do these same things.
Dressing up gives you a boost in confidence. It ticks one box off of your “what can they judge about me” list.
You will also feel more confident because you actually prepared.
It gives you the feeling that you are in control, and the best part is, since you’ve taken initiative, you are!
Plus, when it comes to actual interaction, knowing you’ve already taken a step towards socializing with women compels you to see your goal through.
Another way to improve how you look would be to exercise and eat healthily.
Since being shy isn’t one-dimensional, going to a crowded gym might be another thing you’d have to work on.
To lighten the pressure, you can invest in a home gym so you can work out alone.
And while you are at it, follow a meal plan, too, to speed up your physique’s progress.
Getting fit and healthy will improve your posture and build drastically, and dressing up would be the cherry on top.
This is one of the biggest confidence-boosting, shyness-busting things you can do.
Who knows? You might get appreciated more than you planned for.
3. Live in the moment
When you know you’ll be around women, stop overthinking what can happen. Quit living in the future, and just go with the flow.
Do not anticipate any negative outcome nor think too much about what people will think about you and your opinions.
Put your imagination on hold. Thinking too much can make you feel rejected even when it’s actually not the case.
This can lead you to being aloof and impersonal.
When talking to a woman, don’t think too much before you speak. Just let the conversation flow.
Instead of wanting people to accept you or agree with you, go for the mindset that you just want to hold a conversation. Any impressions and opinions about you after the fact are irrelevant.
Don’t trouble yourself about what the girls will think of you. Be more concerned about propriety and being respectful.
I know it’s not bold to claim that all women would appreciate that, but it will be a good reflection of your personality.
4. Body language matters
The way you walk, stand, sit, move — even your facial expressions and hand gestures — play a huge role in how you are perceived.
So, always stand or sit straight with your shoulders back and keep your head up. This makes you look more approachable.
Practicing in front of a mirror might help. Take a look at how you sit, stand, and even talk, so you know what you can improve on.
Doing so projects your attention outwards and makes you appear confident and extroverted.
You’ll look like you actually want to be there and socialize, isn’t that the goal?
Women can take notice of this. And, they might even be the first ones to approach you.
To make you stand out even more, try gaining muscle mass to really put the body in body language.
Having developed musculature will help you keep your body upright all the time because you become more aware of your body position via better proprioception.
Having a rounded posture, being slouched, and gazing at the floor makes you look unapproachable and sheepish. This will just make you fade into the background.
And when you do these, you will only prove all your negative thinking to be correct. Which just cycles you back to square one of being extremely shy.
5. Be bold
Now, let’s clear something up: Being bold does not mean creating a cocky persona.
What you want to project is confidence, not arrogance.
To be bold is to not hesitate to take action. It is acting upon your first impulse, which is your best shot at overcoming shyness.
Being shy, simply starting a conversation with a woman requires an act of courage and risking rejection or, worse, embarrassment.
Face these challenges head-on.
In a real-world setting, slight hesitations will eventually build up. You might decide to make a move now, then hesitate.
The next time you think about making your move, the greater your hesitation will be.
This makes your anxiety snowball. And, this mental barrier makes overcoming shyness even more difficult. You end up a victim of paralysis by analysis.
Thus, you should be bold. Like lifting weights, the more you train, the easier it gets.
6. Talk then listen
You don’t have to be a conversation expert to break the ice. All you have to do is show that you are interested in talking.
It can be as simple as introducing yourself and asking what their name is. You’d be surprised how people open up almost instantly.
If they are a complete stranger, you will most definitely have to engage in small talk. To keep the conversation going and your partner interested, listen keenly, even when it’s blabber.
People appreciate others who listen to them. Plus, they tend to extend the same courtesy towards you.
Listen to understand and not just to respond, as they say.
You’ll also find out that a lot of the people you’ll be talking to go through the same problems with regard to socializing.
7. Accept failing
One bad attempt should not cause you to quit trying to overcome shyness.
Just like in any endeavor, failures and a few slip ups are normal. What matters is how you handle that botched attempt.
Again, you don’t overcome being shy around females overnight.
And, given how we are all unique in our likes and dislikes, what works today might not work tomorrow.
The important thing is that you shoot your shot.
Trying and failing will give you more confidence to engage with women because you need to know what you’re doing wrong before you learn how to do things right.
Just get out there and keep trying your best!
Final Thoughts
Overcoming shyness is a balancing act. You are tweaking your behavior based on how the women around you respond and react.
In the end, your best bet is to be yourself. And if you look at the secrets I spilled, they are all aimed at you being your best self.
Put these pieces of advice to the test and break down that barrier of shyness!
